Middle-Aged Househusband Confesses – I Conjured Up The Internet Lifestyle As A Toddler
The excerpt below is from a series of musings from The Lazy HouseHusband
When I was a toddler, just four or five years old, I used to have a recurring dream that I lived aboard a very powerful spacecraft. The vessel was shaped like the typical flying saucer we associate with a UFO. It was completely opaque from the outside, which meant that that no one could look in, but I could see everything from the inside, thanks to the panoramic windows that extended across the entire control cabin. Later, I even added a feature to it that could make it invisible from the outside, so I could go anywhere I wanted and not be seen.
From my comfortable pilot’s chair, I controlled everything and could travel to any part of the Universe I wanted, by simply clicking a few buttons and issuing a few verbal commands aloud. I wore a gleaming, comfortable silver spacesuit that protected me from getting hurt and kept my body in a perfect temperature at all times.
Another thing I really liked about my spacecraft was a special contraption surrounding the entrance of the ship which totally cleaned your body as you entered it. A special white ray would go through your body and not only get rid of germs and disease, it would also clean out the dirt under your nails, dissolve excess ear wax, clear your eye goop, snot and any food stuck in your teeth, and even eliminate all waste from your bladder and bowels. You could walk in sick and dirty, go through the special cleansing doorway and enter the ship brimming with health and feeling totally clean.
In my special flying saucer, I could do anything and go anywhere, without leaving the comfort of my pilot’s chair.
I believe, therefore, that I manifested the Internet and created the prototype for the home office environment. Come to think about it, I am probably also responsible for creating Microsoft’s “Where Do You Want To Go Today?” slogan. Look, it’s okay with me if people want to credit Tim Berners-Lee as being the father of the World Wide Web. He merely added the technical know-how required to make my blueprint work. I’ve always been an “ideas” guy anyway. I don’t even own a screwdriver set …
Read the rest of the article here: Tips For Stay-At-Home Fathers
